I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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