Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
