so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i think my cat just said my name.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
