They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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