I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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