You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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