If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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