she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize