thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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