Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
