so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
