I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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