I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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