:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
