Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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