Where did you get a picture of my penis
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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