Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So many bounce houses so little time
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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