i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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