Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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