yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
