SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
