you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
