HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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