I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
