hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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