Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
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Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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