my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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