I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
