Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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