You don't have asthma, your pregnant
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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