I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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