He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
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This is the high leading the old right now
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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