This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
