Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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