Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
