You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
