she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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