i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
