I cannot find my penis.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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