Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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