From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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