i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
