I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
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Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
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Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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