Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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