God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
