Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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