it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
