my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
