Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
