Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You are a genius and a whore.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
