There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
