I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
