Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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