last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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