Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize