If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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