that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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