what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
