She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
