i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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