Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
