I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
what day is it and did you see me today?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
