she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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