I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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