She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
